“They Were Phonies, All of Them” — Paul McCartney Sparks Outrage After Exposing His Most HATED Rock Bands in Brutal, Unfiltered Interview That’s Shaking the Industry 🎤

It finally happened.

After sixty years of being the nice Beatle, the smiling sage of songwriting, Sir Paul McCartney has officially snapped.

Forget peace and love — this week, Macca took a flamethrower to rock’s sacred cows, naming the five bands he “can’t stand” and sending shockwaves through every leather-jacketed corner of the music world.

Fans are clutching their vinyl collections in horror.

Critics are calling it “the musical meltdown of the millennium. ”

And somewhere, Ringo Starr is quietly deleting group chat messages before it’s too late.

According to an explosive interview that’s making the rounds faster than a bootleg Abbey Road tape, the 83-year-old legend decided to “set the record straight” about what he really thinks of today’s — and yesterday’s — rock bands.

“I’ve been polite for too long,” McCartney allegedly said with the same calm tone one might use before detonating a cultural bomb.

“I’ve listened to a lot of rubbish over the years.

Some bands just. . . never got it. ”

Translation: Sir Paul woke up and chose violence.

The list is as brutal as it is baffling.

And though he didn’t exactly hand out reasons for each — oh no, he performed them.

Imagine Eleanor Rigby, but rewritten as a diss track.

The internet’s calling it ‘The Beatles vs Everyone: Macca’s Revenge Tour. ’

 

So who made the list? Grab your earplugs, because this gets ugly fast.

#1: The Rolling Stones — “A Blues Cover Band With a PR Department”
Yes, you read that right.

McCartney reportedly called his old rivals “a great little blues cover band that got lucky with eyeliner. ”

The jab references their long-standing rivalry, which dates back to the 1960s when teenage fans debated which band had the better mop tops.

But this time, McCartney didn’t mince words.

“They always wanted to be bad boys,” he said, “but bad boys don’t need accountants. ”

The comment allegedly caused Mick Jagger to roll his eyes so hard they nearly fell out of his head.

Meanwhile, Keith Richards, probably mid-cigarette, simply said, “He’s still jealous of my wrinkles. ”

Music historians are already labeling it “the most British feud since Oasis vs.

Blur. ”

One fake Rolling Stone “insider” told The Sun: “Paul’s been sitting on this for decades.

He’s finally saying what he’s always thought — the Stones were cosplay Beatles with extra sweat. ”

Shots fired.

 

#2: Nirvana — “A Noise Complaint Set to Guitar”
This one hurt a generation.

McCartney allegedly told the interviewer, “I didn’t get the whole Nirvana thing.

It’s just yelling about being sad, isn’t it? I did that first — it was called ‘Yesterday. ’”

Twitter went nuclear.

Gen Xers cried betrayal.

Millennials panicked.

Boomers smirked in vindication.

McCartney reportedly added, “Grunge always looked like they hadn’t done laundry in ten years.

We wore suits.

There’s a difference between rebellion and a hygiene problem. ”

Somewhere in the ether, Kurt Cobain probably chuckled.

A fake music critic named “Trevor Voxson” (definitely not made up by this magazine) said, “McCartney is drawing a line in the sand — between musical evolution and people who look like they fell asleep in a garage. ”

Deep, Trevor.

Deep.

 

#3: U2 — “A Band Powered Entirely By Ego”
And here’s where it gets personal.

Apparently, McCartney has had enough of Bono’s eternal sermonizing.

“I like a bit of activism,” he said, “but not when it comes with a subscription fee. ”

Rumor has it that McCartney once received an unsolicited call from Bono during dinner in 2003.

“He started talking about saving the world,” Paul recalled.

“I just wanted to finish my soup. ”

The internet had a field day.

“Paul McCartney calling out U2 is like Gandalf telling Dumbledore to chill,” one user tweeted.

Another posted a meme of Bono holding a guitar that says “Not all heroes wear humility. ”

Even U2’s bassist (you know, the one nobody remembers) allegedly sighed, “He’s not wrong. ”

#4: Coldplay — “If Beige Had a Sound”
No one escaped unscathed, not even the kings of polite stadium pop.

“Coldplay,” McCartney said, “is what happens when you order Radiohead from the British version of Amazon. ”

Ouch.

He then added, “They make music for people who think feelings are a personality. ”

Brutal.

Chris Martin, ever the golden retriever of rock, apparently responded through a rep: “Paul’s a legend.

He can say whatever he likes.

We’ll still send him free tickets. ”

Translation: please love us, Sir Paul.

Fans, however, loved the drama.

One viral TikTok even synced Paul’s alleged Coldplay diss to Fix You with the caption, “When Grandpa snaps and it’s beautiful. ”

 

#5: Imagine Dragons — “The End of Music As We Know It”
And finally, McCartney reportedly finished his hit list with a modern choice.

“Imagine Dragons?” he said, shaking his head.

“I imagine they stop. ”

Social media melted.

One fan tweeted, “He’s 83 and still dropping nukes harder than anyone on the charts. ”

McCartney supposedly described their music as “the soundtrack to drinking an energy drink you regret. ”

A fake “psychological music expert” named Dr. Harmony Blunt told Daily Star: “What Paul is experiencing is called ‘sonic fatigue. ’

It’s what happens when someone who invented melody is forced to listen to modern radio. ”

Translation: the man’s ears have standards.

The internet, of course, went ballistic.

Reddit lit up with threads titled “Paul McCartney Hates My Entire Playlist” and “Sir Paul Just Ended Rock Music. ”

Spotify even trended with “Macca’s Burn List,” a fan-made playlist compiling every band he allegedly despises, alternating with Beatles tracks for “contextual healing. ”

Not everyone is mad, though.

Some say McCartney is simply doing what legends do — stirring the pot to remind us he can.

“Paul doesn’t hate these bands,” claimed one “close source” (possibly George Harrison’s ghost).

 

“He just hates mediocrity. ”

Another fan added, “When you’ve written ‘Hey Jude,’ you earn the right to trash anyone you want. ”

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists are already spinning their guitars.

Was this just promotion for a new McCartney album? A secret Beatles documentary? A viral prank orchestrated by Yoko Ono’s TikTok team? “Paul’s always been clever,” said fake industry analyst Chad Fretsworth.

“This could all be a meta commentary on fame.

Or maybe he’s just bored. ”

Within hours, social media was ablaze with fake band reactions.

Mick Jagger allegedly texted “LOL ok boomer” while Chris Martin sent McCartney a fruit basket labeled “Still Love You. ”

Bono reportedly prayed for him.

And the drummer from Imagine Dragons just tweeted, “We’ve been dissed by a Beatle.

We’ve made it. ”

But not everyone’s laughing.

Music journalists are divided.

Some call it “rock’s reckoning,” others say it’s “elderly noise.

 

” One Pitchfork writer even dared to say, “McCartney’s critique is outdated.

These bands evolved music.

” Fans promptly replied, “Yes, into mediocrity.

”

Even Lennon fans got involved.

A trending post read: “John would’ve said it sooner.

” To which one clever commenter replied, “Yeah, but Paul would’ve written the chorus. ”

In an ironic twist, sales of all five bands’ albums reportedly spiked overnight.

Gen Z kids who didn’t know who Paul McCartney was suddenly Googled, “Who is this angry old man dissing my playlist?” Meanwhile, Beatles streams hit a five-year high.

The man can’t lose.

Even when he’s mad, he’s marketing.

And just when the dust seemed to settle, McCartney allegedly added one last quote to the fire.

When asked if there were any bands he did like, he smirked and said, “The Beatles were pretty good. ”

Somewhere in rock heaven, Lennon rolled his eyes, Harrison strummed a divine chord, and Ringo just said, “Peace and love, man.

Peace and love. ”

So what have we learned from this beautiful disaster? Simple: Paul McCartney doesn’t hate music — he hates mediocrity dressed as rebellion.

He’s the last living Beatle with the guts to say what everyone else won’t.

And whether you agree with him or not, one thing’s certain — rock just got interesting again.

In the immortal words of one Twitter user: “Paul McCartney didn’t just make a list.

He wrote the soundtrack to every music critic’s nervous breakdown. ”

So if you’re in a band and you’re reading this, take it as a warning.

Somewhere out there, Sir Paul is listening.

And if he doesn’t like what he hears, your career might just make his next Top 5 — of the worst.