TROY AIKMAN SAYS DAK PRESCOTT WILL OUTRING HIM & STAUBACH?! Stephen A. LOSES IT on First Take 😱

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Cowboys fans and Dak haters alike — gather around, because we’ve just witnessed a hot take so volcanic it makes Chernobyl look like a backyard bonfire.

Troy Aikman, three-time Super Bowl champion, Hall of Famer, Fox commentator, and part-time tequila salesman, has gone on record saying Dak Prescott will win more Super Bowls than both him and Roger Staubach combined.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Combined.

That’s five.

Cinco.

One hand’s worth of diamond-encrusted Lombardi bling.

And he’s putting this faith in Dak “I’ve-never-sniffed-an-NFC-Championship” Prescott.

NFL Twitter immediately collapsed into chaos, memes flew faster than Cowboys playoff exits, and Stephen A. Smith nearly fainted on First Take as he screamed, “This man done lost his damn mind!”

 

Now, let’s break this down.

Aikman, the golden boy of the Cowboys dynasty of the 90s, the quarterback who could hand the ball off to Emmitt Smith, throw to Michael Irvin, and ride Jimmy Johnson’s defense to glory, has apparently decided that Dak Prescott — the guy who struggles to not throw to the other team in January — is the chosen one.

Roger Staubach, “Captain America” himself, must be spinning in his grave—wait, correction, Staubach is still alive, but after hearing this take he probably wishes he was six feet under.

Imagine being Staubach, sitting in a leather chair, sipping his scotch, turning on ESPN, and hearing Aikman basically erase his two rings by betting on Dak to surpass him.

That’s not just disrespectful.

That’s football blasphemy.

Of course, Stephen A.

pounced on this like it was Christmas morning.

“Troy Aikman is drinking too much of his own tequila!” he shouted.

“Dak Prescott? More rings than Staubach? More than Aikman himself? You must be CRAZY! Dak Prescott is a turnover machine disguised as a quarterback!” Somewhere in Philadelphia, Eagles fans clinked glasses of Yuengling and laughed for three hours straight.

Somewhere in San Francisco, 49ers fans wiped tears of joy knowing that their defense has made Dak Prescott their personal practice dummy.

And somewhere in Jerry Jones’s luxury yacht, the old oil tycoon probably sat back in his leather chair, whispered, “That’s my boy,” and ordered another facelift.

Now, let’s sprinkle in some fake experts to add fuel to the fire.

Dr. Phil (because why not) reportedly said, “This isn’t optimism, it’s delusion.

When Troy Aikman made this prediction, he wasn’t talking football, he was talking fantasy therapy.

Dak winning five rings? That’s like me winning an MMA title. ”

Meanwhile, Skip Bayless, professional Cowboys hype man, went on Undisputed to declare, “Troy is absolutely right, Dak Prescott is HIM! He’s the GOAT in disguise! He’ll surpass Brady!”

At which point, Shannon Sharpe nearly spit out his Hennessy and shouted, “Stop the CAP, Skip, this man can’t even get past the 49ers’ defense! He’s allergic to the NFC Championship!”

 

But here’s the kicker: Cowboys Nation actually ate this up.

Fans on message boards are foaming at the mouth with excitement.

“This is our year! Dak is gonna silence the haters! We’re getting six, seven, eight rings!” wrote one fan while wearing a Dak jersey that still had the clearance tag on it.

Others even went so far as to start Photoshopping Dak’s head onto Tom Brady’s body holding seven Lombardis.

One guy even had the audacity to tweet, “If Aikman says it, it’s gospel.

Dak is the chosen one. ”

Gospel? More like blasphemy.

Let’s take a reality check.

Dak Prescott has been in the league since 2016.

He has two playoff wins.

Two.

His biggest accomplishment is losing to the 49ers so often he’s basically on their Christmas card list.

Meanwhile, Aikman himself went to three Super Bowls and won them all.

Staubach won two and went to four.

Dak? He hasn’t even sniffed an NFC Championship game, let alone a Lombardi.

But Aikman’s prediction makes it sound like Dak is about to run through the league like a juggernaut, stacking rings like poker chips in Vegas.

 

Unless Dak suddenly merges his body with Patrick Mahomes, develops Joe Montana’s clutch gene, and signs a blood pact with Satan, there is simply no universe where this prediction comes true.

But oh, the drama it created.

Within hours of Aikman’s statement, Vegas oddsmakers reportedly collapsed laughing, with one insider joking, “We had to shut down our Super Bowl futures bets.

There’s no line big enough to cover Aikman’s delusion. ”

Stephen A. doubled down, screaming, “The Dallas Cowboys are an ACCIDENT waiting to happen! They will find a way to choke! That is who they are! That is their DNA!”

Meanwhile, Michael Irvin, hyped up on caffeine and Cowboys Kool-Aid, shouted, “YES! YES! DAK IS OUR MAN! THE DYNASTY IS BACK, BABY!” before collapsing into uncontrollable laughter that suspiciously sounded like crying.

Now, let’s imagine what happens if Dak actually pulls it off.

Let’s say, in some Twilight Zone episode of NFL history, Dak Prescott wins six rings.

The world would collapse.

Tom Brady would come out of retirement just to defend his throne.

Patrick Mahomes would hire an army of referees to sabotage him.

Jerry Jones would have Dak embalmed in gold and placed next to the Lombardi in the Cowboys’ stadium.

Troy Aikman would be hailed as a prophet, like some football Nostradamus, and Roger Staubach would probably move to a remote island to avoid hearing “Dak is greater than you” chants.

But let’s be honest — that scenario has about as much chance of happening as the Jets winning a Super Bowl in the next century.

So why did Aikman say it? That’s the real question.

 

Is it loyalty to the star on the helmet?

Is it tequila-induced hallucination?

Or is it just Troy trolling the entire NFL fanbase for fun?

A fake psychologist I interviewed claims, “Aikman has repressed guilt from not throwing for 300 yards very often, so he’s projecting greatness onto Dak as a form of psychological compensation. ”

Another fake insider whispered, “This is all part of Jerry Jones’s propaganda machine.

Aikman is on the payroll.

He gets paid $1 million for every delusional Dak take he drops on live television. ”

Hey, sounds legit.

Of course, this story wouldn’t be complete without a twist.

After Aikman’s comments, Roger Staubach himself was asked about the prediction.

According to witnesses, Staubach calmly sipped his scotch, chuckled, and said, “Well, if Dak wins six rings, I’ll personally buy him a yacht bigger than Jerry’s. ”

Translation: even Staubach knows it’s never happening.

But hey, Cowboys fans will cling to hope like it’s oxygen.

Because that’s what they do.

Every year it’s “This is our year!” And every year, they collapse faster than a folding chair at a Buffalo tailgate.

In the end, Troy Aikman’s hot take will live on in internet infamy.

It’ll be memed, mocked, and replayed on loop every time Dak throws a pick in a divisional round game.

Maybe Aikman was joking.

Maybe he was drunk.

 

Or maybe he truly believes Dak is destined for immortality.

But one thing’s for sure — if Dak Prescott ever actually wins more Super Bowls than Aikman and Staubach combined, I’ll eat my laptop, live on ESPN.

Until then, we’ll keep laughing, keep mocking, and keep watching Cowboys fans convince themselves that this year, finally, will be the year.

Spoiler: it won’t.