“‘You’re Fired!’ Trump Aims at Kimmel and Fallon After Colbert’s Show Gets the Axe”

Well, well, well — pack your bags and pour yourself an espresso, because Jimmy Kimmel is apparently done with America and ready to swap his Hollywood Hills view for a balcony somewhere in Tuscany.

The late-night host, who’s spent years roasting Donald Trump like a spit pig at a county fair, has officially secured Italian citizenship — and he’s not exactly being coy about why.

“What’s going on is… as bad as you thought it was gonna be, it’s so much worse,” Kimmel sighed, looking like a man who’d just read the Yelp reviews for the entire United States.

And this little passport drama comes at a deliciously awkward time: just days after Trump, clearly in a prophetic mood, declared that both Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon would be next to lose their jobs following the cancellation of Stephen Colbert’s “Late Show. ”

You couldn’t script it better if you tried — Trump predicting firings, Kimmel applying for Italian papers, and Fallon probably Googling “how to say thank you in French” just in case.

Let’s set the scene: America’s late-night landscape is already wobbling after CBS decided to yank Colbert off the air, allegedly because he dared to poke fun at a $16 million deal.

Cue Trump swooping in like the villain in a soap opera you hate but can’t stop watching, gleefully warning that Kimmel and Fallon are next on the chopping block.

And now here’s Kimmel, basically saying, “Ciao, losers!” in the most passive-aggressive mic drop since Taylor Swift’s last awards speech.

We’re told he’s been flirting with the idea of Italian citizenship for years (because apparently having a house in LA, a career in comedy, and a $50 million net worth just isn’t quite la dolce vita).

But the timing? Chef’s kiss.

Nothing says “I’m over it” like upgrading your passport while the guy who hates you predicts your career death spiral.

Insiders claim this isn’t just some whimsical Eat Pray Love fantasy — Kimmel might actually be eyeing a full-blown relocation to Europe.

“He’s been practicing his Italian insults,” one anonymous source told us.

“He says ‘stronzo’ with the same venom he used to say ‘Donald. ’”

And apparently, the man’s already browsing villas on the Amalfi Coast like the rest of us scroll through Zillow listings we can’t afford.

Another insider swears Kimmel has started wearing more linen and less denim, which is a telltale sign of someone about to abandon a country in favor of one with better bread.

And while his rep insists he’s “just exploring options,” the rest of Hollywood is whispering that Kimmel’s basically got one foot in Rome and the other in a gelato shop.

Now, before anyone accuses Kimmel of running away because he’s scared of Trump’s job-loss prophecy, let’s be clear — this is Jimmy Kimmel.

The man has made a career out of roasting Trump on national TV.

If anything, he’s leaving because he knows the prophecy might actually come true and he’d rather be sipping cappuccino in Florence than playing shuffleboard in Florida.

Plus, securing EU residency right now is the celebrity equivalent of stockpiling canned goods — you never know when you’ll need to flee a country in political chaos, and it’s better to have a safe house where the wine is cheap.

Of course, this whole saga has the internet frothing at the mouth.

MAGA Twitter is crowing like they just won the lottery, gleefully posting memes of Kimmel in a gondola with captions like “Good riddance!” Meanwhile, late-night liberals are already picturing their hero doing monologues from a vineyard, with a backdrop of rolling hills and maybe a cameo from George Clooney, who conveniently also lives in Italy.

As one “media analyst” (who suspiciously looked like they’d been drinking Prosecco since breakfast) told us: “If Kimmel leaves, it’s the end of late-night as we know it.

Fallon will be too busy laughing at his own jokes, and John Oliver can’t technically count because he’s British.

It’ll be chaos. ”

And then there’s the Trump factor.

The former president is no doubt loving every second of this drama, probably sitting in Mar-a-Lago muttering “I told you so” into his Diet Coke.

He’s already been on a mini-victory lap ever since Colbert’s cancellation, and Kimmel’s Italian paperwork just adds another layer to his smug grin.

If Fallon announces dual citizenship next week, expect Trump to break into a full Broadway number about it.

But here’s the twist: Kimmel isn’t exactly hiding from the feud.

In fact, sources say he’s planning to dedicate an entire monologue to the “coincidental” timing of his citizenship and Trump’s little prediction.

And knowing Kimmel, he’ll probably have a Roman coliseum backdrop, a toga, and a guy dressed as Julius Caesar handing him a plate of spaghetti.

For now, CBS is pretending like none of this is happening — because the last thing they need after the Colbert scandal is another headline involving one of their late-night darlings fleeing the country.

But behind the scenes, there’s panic.

“If Jimmy leaves, that’s a domino effect,” said one nervous exec.

“Fallon might start looking at Canada, Seth Meyers might buy a chalet in Switzerland, and before you know it, late-night TV will just be reruns of The Golden Girls. ”

Another insider added, “We can’t have every host relocating.

Who’s going to mock politicians in real time? TikTok influencers? God help us. ”

Of course, this wouldn’t be Hollywood without a dramatic twist.

Rumor has it Kimmel’s Italian move might also be tied to a mysterious “undisclosed project” involving a travel docuseries.

The working title? Late Night With Pasta.

The concept? Kimmel wandering through Italian towns, cracking jokes about American politics while sipping Chianti and occasionally being chased by an angry nonna with a wooden spoon.

“It’s genius,” one fake TV producer told us.

“Viewers get comedy, travel porn, and political commentary all in one.

Plus, if America burns down, he’s already there. ”

Still, some die-hard fans are clinging to hope that Kimmel’s new passport won’t mean a permanent goodbye.

“He could still commute,” one optimist wrote online.

“It’s just an eight-hour flight.

He could tape in LA, then spend weekends in Italy. ”

Which sounds cute until you realize Jimmy Kimmel isn’t about to trade a plate of handmade gnocchi for a plate of craft services nachos twice a week.

If this man commits to Italy, the only thing he’ll be filming in the US is the occasional awards show — and even then, he’ll probably insist on doing it via satellite from a vineyard.

In the end, whether this is a dramatic midlife reinvention or just a convenient way to dodge the next few years of political dumpster fires, one thing’s for sure: Jimmy Kimmel knows how to keep his name in the headlines.

And if he does end up sipping wine in Positano while America descends further into chaos, at least he’ll have the satisfaction of knowing he called it “so much worse” before the rest of us caught on.

Meanwhile, Trump will keep bragging about being right, Fallon will keep laughing nervously, and Colbert will probably be somewhere writing a tell-all memoir about the day late-night TV imploded.

And who knows? Maybe this really is the end of an era.

Or maybe it’s just the beginning of Late Night: The Expat Edition.

Either way, pass the pasta — Jimmy’s going to need it.