Ozzy’s Final Curtain Call Comes with a SNUB—Guess Who’s NOT Welcome at His Rock ‘n’ Roll Afterlife?

Stop everything, put down your pumpkin spice latte, and grab your black eyeliner because we need to talk about the most important non-event in rock history: Ozzy Osbourne’s funeral guest list.

Or more specifically, the one poor soul who didn’t get an invite.

Yes, that’s right — someone was excluded from the ultimate heavy metal farewell, and the drama surrounding it has people clutching their crucifixes and blasting “Crazy Train” at full volume.

But before you start crying into your leather pants, let’s make one thing clear: Ozzy isn’t even dead yet.

The man is still alive, still swearing, still terrifying pigeons, and still refusing to die like a regular human being.

But tabloids are going to tabloid, and apparently, so are funerals that haven’t even happened yet.

According to insiders (which, in tabloid speak, usually means a guy in a pub wearing a faded Iron Maiden shirt who once walked past Sharon Osbourne at Heathrow), Ozzy’s “future funeral” has already sparked controversy because one VIP is allegedly blacklisted.

Yes, a funeral for a man who is currently wandering around asking where the remote is has managed to start beef before the coffin is even built.

This is peak Osbourne, and honestly, would you expect anything less?

The question everyone is asking: who is this mysterious uninvited guest?

Was it an ex-bandmate, an estranged family member, a roadie who stole Ozzy’s stash in 1978, or perhaps the bat whose head he famously bit off, now reincarnated and demanding justice?

Our sources claim it’s none other than… drumroll please… Bill Ward, the original Black Sabbath drummer, who may or may not have been ghosted harder than a Tinder date when Sharon drew up the imaginary guest list.

Apparently, Ward’s exclusion stems from “creative differences” that started sometime around 1979 and never stopped echoing through the metal halls of history.

Or maybe it’s because Sharon doesn’t want anyone showing up in sweatpants.

Hard to say.

Now, let’s pause for a moment to appreciate the absurdity here.

We’re talking about a funeral that hasn’t happened, for a man who still occasionally tours, being treated like the rock equivalent of the Met Gala.

As if Ozzy’s coffin is going to roll down a red carpet while Joan Rivers’ ghost whispers, “Who are you wearing, darling?” But fans are already speculating about everything from the playlist (spoiler: it’s just “Iron Man” on loop) to whether Sharon will livestream the whole thing on Pay-Per-View for $49. 99.

A fake “funeral consultant” we interviewed, Morty Blackstone of the Death but Make It Fashion Institute, explained: “Leaving Bill Ward off the guest list is like leaving peanut butter out of a PB&J.

Sure, you’ve still got a sandwich, but it’s sad, dry, and nobody’s impressed.

If Ozzy really wanted chaos, he’d have invited everyone and then risen from the coffin halfway through just to say, ‘Boo!’” Which honestly sounds more believable than whatever Sharon has planned.

But let’s get real: Ozzy has built an entire career out of surviving things no one thought he would.

Drug overdoses.

Reality TV.

Actual bats.

So the idea that people are already gossiping about his funeral feels almost disrespectful, but also hilariously on brand.

This is a man who once tried to snort a line of ants.

Do you think he cares who’s on the guest list? He’d probably prefer if his funeral was crashed by a bunch of drunk bikers and an angry parrot.

Of course, the internet has gone wild with theories.

Some fans insist the uninvited guest is actually Axl Rose, citing the time Guns N’ Roses toured with Sabbath and allegedly ate all the catering.

Others are convinced it’s Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden, because nothing says petty rock feud like banning your competition from mourning you.

And then there’s the wild card: what if it’s Piers Morgan? Nobody wants Piers at their funeral.

Not even Piers.

Sharon Osbourne, naturally, has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors.

In fact, she’s been too busy trying to get Ozzy to stop feeding Doritos to their dogs.

But knowing Sharon, if there is an official list, it’s laminated, color-coded, and probably requires a biometric scan just to read.

And don’t even think about showing up in a knockoff Gucci suit—this is going to be a couture coffin experience.

Meanwhile, Ozzy himself reportedly responded to the drama by saying, “I don’t even know what funeral you’re talking about.

I’m not dead yet, am I?” before wandering off to raid the fridge.

Which is about as Osbourne a response as you could possibly hope for.

In the grand scheme of rock history, this is just another chapter in the never-ending saga of Black Sabbath drama.

They’ve fought over money, over credits, over who gets the last beer in the fridge—and now, apparently, over imaginary funerals.

It’s Shakespearean, really.

If Shakespeare wore leather pants and occasionally urinated on stage.

So what happens next?

Will Bill Ward crash Ozzy’s funeral like an uninvited wedding guest, banging a snare drum as he marches down the aisle? Will Sharon install bouncers to keep out rival rock stars?

Will Ozzy even notice who’s there, or will he be too busy haunting the snack table? Nobody knows.

But if history has taught us anything, it’s that Ozzy thrives on chaos.

If his funeral doesn’t include pyrotechnics, a hologram bat, and at least three unplanned fistfights, then frankly, it will be a disappointment.

Until then, let’s all agree on one thing: only Ozzy Osbourne could manage to make headlines for a funeral he hasn’t even had yet.

And honestly? That might just be the most rock ’n’ roll thing he’s ever done.