“Mahomes Silences Haters With 143 Yards in PRESEASON—Sound the MVP Sirens!”

Kansas City, Missouri—Stop the presses.

Cancel your Labor Day barbecue plans.

Call your grandmother and tell her to put on her best red and gold sweater, because Patrick Mahomes just threw for 143 yards in a preseason game, and apparently, this is the greatest thing that has ever happened in the history of football.

Forget the Super Bowl rings.

Forget the MVP awards.

Forget the literal mountain of statistics and highlight reels that already made him the poster boy for NFL glory.

No, the real turning point in Patrick Mahomes’ career apparently came on a random August night in Kansas City, against a team that was mostly made up of guys who will be selling insurance by Halloween.

Chiefs fans are calling it “legendary. ”

Haters are calling it “irrelevant. ”

And we’re just here, popcorn in hand, marveling at how a preseason box score has turned into the equivalent of the Dead Sea Scrolls for NFL Twitter.

The numbers don’t lie.

143 yards.

One hundred and forty-three.

Let’s say it again so it sinks in: 143 yards.

That’s more than most of us drive to our nearest Target.

That’s more than Tom Brady probably ran in his entire 22-year career combined.

And apparently, this performance is so good that Chiefs Kingdom has already begun discussing whether or not they should just hand Mahomes the 2025 MVP trophy right now.

“He looked crisp, he looked sharp, he looked like a man who has never heard the word ‘slump,’” gushed one Kansas City fan who was wearing a Mahomes jersey, a Mahomes hat, and what looked suspiciously like Mahomes pajama pants.

“I know it’s preseason, but when Mahomes is on the field, it just hits different.

Honestly, the NFL should cancel the season and just give us the Lombardi.

Why waste everyone’s time?”

Meanwhile, analysts on TV pretended to contain themselves while holding back the urge to kiss their monitors every time a replay of Mahomes’ 18-yard completion to some wide receiver who won’t even make the 53-man roster was shown.

One so-called “expert” on ESPN even went so far as to declare, “Mahomes is in midseason form,” which is analyst code for “I have nothing of value to say but I know the producers will put up a highlight package behind me while I talk. ”

A rival AFC coach, who spoke under condition of anonymity, reportedly muttered, “If this is how Mahomes looks in August, I’m not sure my defense should even show up in December.

Maybe we should just practice basketball instead. ”

And here’s the kicker—this isn’t even Mahomes’ best preseason performance.

Oh no.

For the true historians out there, the record shows that back in 2022, he threw for 162 yards against the Washington Commanders, back when the Commanders were still… well, being the Commanders.

So while fans are acting like 143 yards is an otherworldly achievement, the truth is that it doesn’t even crack his preseason career high.

This means, technically, that 2022 Mahomes is still undefeated against 2024 Mahomes, and somewhere, a stat geek is furiously trying to calculate Mahomes’ “preseason quarterback efficiency plus adjusted net yards above expected” metric just to prove that tonight was more significant than Pearl Harbor.

Still, let’s not underestimate the power of preseason hype.

Preseason is, after all, that magical time of year when backup quarterbacks suddenly look like Pro Bowlers, when third-string running backs rush for 100 yards and are immediately dubbed “the next Arian Foster,” and when some guy with a hyphenated last name makes a circus catch and convinces a whole fanbase he’s destined for Canton.

But when it’s Patrick Mahomes under center? Every snap feels like Shakespeare.

Every throw feels like gospel.

Every time he breathes, Chiefs Twitter declares that oxygen has reached its peak potential.

“If Mahomes can do this against vanilla defenses running prevent coverage, imagine what he’ll do when the games count,” tweeted one fan, punctuating his excitement with 17 flame emojis and a poorly Photoshopped image of Mahomes riding a bald eagle.

Of course, the haters were not amused.

Raiders fans dismissed the performance as “typical preseason hype,” claiming Mahomes only looked good because “the defense was basically running drills in slow motion. ”

Broncos fans, still coping with the trauma of Russell Wilson’s era, insisted that “any quarterback could throw for 143 yards if they had Andy Reid calling plays and Travis Kelce waiting in the wings. ”

And Chargers fans… well, no one actually found a Chargers fan to ask.

But if they existed, they’d probably just mutter something about “wait until Justin Herbert gets his ring,” while quietly weeping into a powder-blue throw pillow.

But here’s where things take a turn.

Chiefs haters have long accused Mahomes of being overrated, claiming his success is just a product of Andy Reid’s genius system and a revolving door of offensive weapons.

Yet, on this warm Kansas City night, as the fireworks popped and Arrowhead Stadium buzzed with preseason energy, Mahomes looked like the kind of quarterback who could single-handedly win a game with one arm tied behind his back.

“He could have been throwing to garden gnomes and still racked up 143,” said one delirious fan.

“I don’t care if it’s preseason.

That man is not human.

He’s a football god. ”

To add to the melodrama, Mahomes didn’t even play the entire game.

Nope.

He walked off after his stat-padding mission was complete, leaving the backup quarterbacks to remind everyone why preseason games are usually unwatchable.

As soon as Mahomes put his helmet down, beer lines at Arrowhead suddenly doubled, and by the fourth quarter, half the stadium had cleared out, because let’s face it—when Mahomes isn’t playing, it’s basically like watching paint dry, except the paint occasionally fumbles.

And yet, what makes this story so perfectly tabloid-worthy is the sheer overreaction.

Chiefs fans are already treating this like a prophecy.

Vegas oddsmakers have probably adjusted the Chiefs’ Super Bowl futures by at least 0. 0001 percent based on this “historic” performance.

And local Kansas City news stations are running lower-third graphics that read: “Mahomes Magic Back? QB Throws for 143 in Preseason Masterclass. ”

Yes, masterclass.

Against second-stringers.

In a game that doesn’t count.

We’re not saying people are overhyping this, but somewhere, a diehard fan just booked a tattoo appointment to get “143” inked across his chest in Roman numerals.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Buffalo, Josh Allen is side-eyeing his phone, waiting for someone to notice that he too can throw spirals in August.

Joe Burrow, still nursing his never-ending injuries, probably muttered something about “meaningless stats. ”

And Aaron Rodgers is likely off somewhere in the woods, communing with darkness retreats, rolling his eyes at the idea that preseason numbers mean anything at all.

But for Chiefs Kingdom, none of that matters.

Their golden boy lit up the stat sheet, even if the stat sheet is about as meaningful as winning a participation ribbon in middle school dodgeball.

So, is Patrick Mahomes’ 143-yard preseason night truly significant? Will it silence the haters? Will it alter the entire course of NFL history? Absolutely not.

But will Chiefs fans pretend it does, meme it to death, and build a shrine to it in the annals of Arrowhead lore? You bet your barbecue-stained jersey they will.

In the end, preseason hype is the NFL equivalent of a summer fling—it doesn’t last, it doesn’t matter, but oh boy, it sure feels exciting in the moment.

And for Kansas City, Mahomes just turned a meaningless August night into a Broadway production.

The only question left is how many times he’ll have to break his own preseason record before fans finally admit it doesn’t actually count.

Until then, the legend of “143 yards” will live forever, immortalized in hashtags, hot takes, and possibly a Hallmark Christmas movie titled A Preseason Miracle.

Because if there’s one thing we know about Mahomes, it’s this: when he plays, even the meaningless games somehow become unforgettable.

And when he throws for 143 yards? Well, apparently, that’s enough to shut down every hater in the NFL… at least until September.