FROM RUNWAY TO ROMANCE: Depp Boards Private Jet with New Flame — Destination UNKNOWN, Internet MELTING

Johnny Depp has done it again.

No, not another pirate movie.

Not another courtroom drama.

Not another bizarre perfume ad where he stares into the desert like he’s pondering the meaning of life.

This time, Captain Jack Sparrow himself has been spotted boarding a private jet with a young, stunning, and very mysterious girlfriend.

And just like that, the internet has combusted into a thousand screaming fan theories, conspiracy threads, and angry tweets from people who apparently believe they own shares in Depp’s personal life.

The details are scarce, but the drama? Oh, it’s spilling faster than rum from an overturned barrel on the Black Pearl.

What we do know is that the couple was seen boarding a sleek black private jet that probably costs more per hour to operate than most people’s yearly rent.

Their destination? Well, that’s the $64,000 question — or more accurately, the “several million dollars in private aviation fuel” question.

The tabloids are salivating.

The fans are divided.

And Depp? He’s probably somewhere on board, sipping expensive whiskey, tuning his guitar, and pretending not to notice the 400 telephoto lenses aimed at him from the airport fence.

Naturally, speculation about where they’re going has run wild.

Some say Paris — the eternal city of love, croissants, and paparazzi ambushes.

Others are convinced it’s a quick hop to a private Caribbean island, where Depp allegedly owns a chunk of sand so expensive it could make Jeff Bezos blush.

And then there’s the truly unhinged theory circulating on celebrity Reddit threads: that Depp and his girlfriend are headed to a remote, undisclosed location to film a “secret project” — possibly a reality show about the two of them raising alpacas in Patagonia.

Yes, someone actually wrote that, and no, we’re not ruling it out.

Of course, no Depp story would be complete without the internet dragging Amber Heard’s name into it like a ghost haunting every comment section.

“He’s finally free to be happy!” declare the Depp loyalists, posting slow-motion edits of him smiling with his new flame over sad violin music.

Meanwhile, Heard supporters are rolling their eyes so hard they can see their own brains.

“It’s just another PR stunt,” one anti-Depp commenter claimed.

“He’s probably flying her out to do another creepy Dior ad. ”

For the record, Dior representatives declined to comment on whether Depp’s latest jet-setting adventure will lead to him smelling like “Sauvage” while holding a hawk in the middle of the desert again.

Adding fuel to the gossip inferno is the fact that no one actually knows who this new girlfriend is.

Theories range from “French model in her early twenties” to “up-and-coming actress who met Depp at a mutual friend’s yacht party” to “art dealer who sells rare paintings to billionaires and rock stars. ”

A blurry paparazzi shot of her boarding the jet shows perfectly tousled hair, oversized sunglasses, and a coat so chic it probably costs more than your car.

The internet, being the internet, has already combed through thousands of Instagram profiles trying to find a match.

So far, the leading candidate is an aspiring actress with less than 3,000 followers and a penchant for posting cryptic poetry about the ocean.

Is she the one? Or just another false lead that will send TikTok sleuths spiraling into madness?

The flight itself is already a meme.

Someone on Twitter posted a fake flight tracker claiming Depp’s jet was heading “straight to the moon,” while another account photoshopped him and the mystery woman sitting in the cockpit wearing pirate hats.

Meanwhile, celebrity “aviation insiders” (aka bloggers who stalk rich people’s flight plans) are insisting that the plane’s route suggests a tropical getaway.

“Based on the flight path and the departure time, they’re either going to the Bahamas or somewhere in South America,” one anonymous tipster told The Daily Scandal.

“Or maybe just a Costco in Florida.

You never really know with Depp. ”

Naturally, fake experts have emerged to analyze every detail of this private jet rendezvous.

A self-proclaimed “celebrity body language consultant” went viral after posting a 12-minute TikTok dissecting the way Depp held his girlfriend’s hand as they walked up the stairs.

“The thumb-over-fingers grip is a sign of deep trust and shared secrets,” she declared, as if holding hands was the Da Vinci Code.

Another self-described “fashion psychologist” claimed the woman’s choice of coat color “symbolizes new beginnings, freedom, and maybe an unspoken disdain for Amber Heard. ”

The internet ate it up like popcorn.

And then there’s the real drama: Depp’s hat.

Yes, his hat.

In the paparazzi photos, Depp is seen wearing what appears to be a vintage fedora with a slightly bent brim.

Fashion Twitter is currently in a heated debate over whether this is a subtle nod to his Public Enemies era, a throwback to his early 21 Jump Street days, or just Depp being Depp.

“That hat has seen more action than most Hollywood marriages,” one user quipped, earning 50,000 likes in less than an hour.

But perhaps the most explosive theory yet is that this trip is Depp’s way of officially introducing his new love to his inner circle.

“Private jets are the celebrity equivalent of meeting the parents,” a fake relationship guru told us.

“You don’t just fly someone on your jet unless they’re either your soulmate, your co-star, or your future co-defendant in a tax fraud case. ”

If true, this could mean Depp is taking the next big step in his love life — or just that he’s bored and wanted company while sipping champagne at 40,000 feet.

One thing is certain: wherever Johnny Depp is going, he’s going there in maximum style.

The man could be headed to a remote fishing village or a billion-dollar film set, and he’d still make it look like a scene from an indie romance film.

And as much as people love to criticize him, the truth is, the world can’t stop watching.

Depp has that rare Hollywood magic where every move, every smirk, every slightly questionable outfit becomes front-page news.

Even his choice of carry-on luggage (a distressed leather duffel bag with suspiciously pirate-like embroidery) has sparked speculation.

Is there a guitar in there? A bottle of rum? A cursed Aztec coin? The mystery is half the fun.

As for the mystery girlfriend, she’s probably somewhere on that plane scrolling through the internet and laughing at the chaos her mere existence has caused.

In a world where most celebrity relationships are announced with carefully staged Instagram posts and magazine covers, Depp has once again managed to keep everyone guessing — and that’s exactly why he’s still the ultimate tabloid king.

So where are they going? We still don’t know.

But if history has taught us anything, it’s that the answer will be equal parts glamorous, ridiculous, and slightly confusing.

Maybe they’ll pop up in Paris, kissing under the Eiffel Tower.

Maybe they’ll emerge on a yacht in Cannes, dripping in designer clothes.

Or maybe, just maybe, they’ll land in some small-town diner in the middle of nowhere, drinking coffee and pretending none of this ever happened.

Until then, the world will keep refreshing their feeds, zooming in on grainy airport photos, and spinning wild theories about Johnny Depp’s private jet adventure.

And honestly? That’s exactly how he likes it.