“Fired? Please. Colbert CLAPS BACK with Jasmine Crockett—Late-Night Just Got a Nuclear Makeover!”

Hollywood just got the drama injection it didn’t know it needed.

Stephen Colbert, fresh off the most awkward and unceremonious boot from The Late Show in CBS history, has pulled a stunt so spicy it’s making even Ryan Murphy’s most unhinged plots look tame.

In a move dripping with the kind of delicious pettiness gossip columnists pray for, Colbert has teamed up with none other than Jasmine Crockett — yes, the unapologetically viral, shade-throwing political firecracker who can roast opponents into a puddle without breaking a sweat.

The two are now planning a brand new talk show that they claim will “rewrite late-night TV forever. ”

Translation: CBS is about to get the biggest, pettiest “we’re doing fine without you” text in history.

Sources close to the situation say CBS execs are “shook, bitter, and rapidly Googling how to take back a firing,” though our insider swears one VP has already switched from artisanal oat milk lattes to whiskey before noon.

Let’s be honest.

Nobody thought Colbert had this in him.

For years, people had written him off as the safe, polite version of his former satirical self — like a once-wild rockstar now doing acoustic sets for Whole Foods openings.

His Late Show had its moments, but Hollywood gossip always whispered that CBS liked him better as a tamed, middle-aged golden retriever who would never bite the hand that fed him.

Then, CBS bit first.

And Colbert didn’t just bite back — he brought teeth, claws, and Crockett’s nuclear-grade side-eye.

The announcement dropped without warning.

No leaks, no polite industry heads-up, not even a cryptic Instagram teaser.

Just BOOM — “We don’t need CBS’s approval anymore,” Colbert said at a press conference with the same energy as a divorced dad revving his brand-new convertible past his ex’s house.

“This isn’t just a talk show,” Crockett added, adjusting her designer blazer like she was about to personally declare war on the entire legacy TV system.

“This is a platform for truth, laughs, and the kind of chaos corporate networks are too scared to touch. ”

Cue every CBS intern suddenly realizing their LinkedIn needs updating.

According to insiders, CBS is not taking the breakup well.

“They thought Stephen would fade away quietly,” a network mole told us, “but now he’s out here bringing in someone with the charisma of Beyoncé and the political sting of AOC.

It’s basically like your ex hooking up with someone hotter, younger, and way more dangerous — and then starting a YouTube channel that gets 10 million subscribers overnight. ”

CBS had reportedly been shopping for a “fresh face” to replace Colbert, but so far the names circulating include a guy who once hosted a travel show on PBS and someone’s nephew from TikTok.

Meanwhile, Colbert and Crockett are allegedly in talks with three major streaming platforms, plus one mysterious “non-corporate backer” that Hollywood gossip blogs are already guessing is a tech billionaire with a grudge against CBS.

Fans are losing their minds over the pairing.

Social media has been flooded with comments like “Jasmine is going to destroy the late-night boys’ club in six episodes or less” and “Stephen finally grew his backbone back — Crockett must have found it in her purse. ”

One viral tweet simply read: “Letterman walked so Colbert and Crockett could burn the whole network down. ”

And honestly? They’re not wrong.

Their dynamic already feels explosive.

Colbert is the veteran who’s seen every behind-the-scenes backstab in the business, while Crockett has the fearlessness of someone who didn’t spend 20 years having network execs “politely” tell her to tone it down.

Put them together, and you get the kind of TV that might actually make people want to watch something live again instead of just waiting for the YouTube clips.

Our fake “entertainment industry analyst” Dr. Gloria Vance gave us the most dramatic soundbite of the week: “This is not just a talk show,” she declared while sipping a martini at 10:30 a. m.

“This is an open challenge to the sanitized, predictable, corporate-controlled mess that late-night has become.

CBS thought they were getting rid of a problem, but what they really did was give Stephen the freedom to become the problem.

And Jasmine Crockett? She’s the kind of co-host who doesn’t just burn bridges — she turns them into luxury condos with her name on the deed. ”

Colbert and Crockett aren’t holding back on their vision either.

In leaked pitch notes obtained by someone who may or may not have hacked into a Google Drive, the show will feature a rotating “chaos couch” of guests ranging from political whistleblowers to unfiltered pop stars.

Rumored first-week appearances include a TikTok creator banned in three countries, an ex-CIA agent turned stand-up comic, and possibly even Colbert’s old pal Jon Stewart doing a “late-night funeral” sketch for CBS.

There’s also talk of Crockett spearheading a weekly segment called “Receipts,” where she will literally print out evidence of hypocrisy or corruption and read it live on air.

If CBS thought Colbert was a handful before, they’re about to need hazard pay just to watch his show.

The drama is so juicy that other networks are allegedly trying to poach the pair before the pilot even airs.

An NBC exec reportedly slid into Crockett’s DMs with “just wondering if you like peacock logos,” while a streaming service rumored to be Netflix supposedly offered Colbert full creative control and a clause ensuring CBS can’t sue him even if he spends an entire episode roasting their board of directors.

“They’re not just free agents,” one Hollywood agent told us under strict anonymity.

“They’re free missiles.

And CBS lit the fuse. ”

Of course, CBS is pretending not to care.

In an official statement that reads like it was drafted by a committee of PR interns locked in a conference room, the network wished Colbert “the best in his future endeavors” and claimed they are “excited about the future of The Late Show. ”

Translation: They’re panicking, but in that very expensive, very polite way rich people panic.

We’re told by another insider that one exec was overheard muttering, “We should’ve just given him that extra creative control in 2022,” before throwing a stress ball across the room.

As for Colbert, this comeback feels personal.

During the announcement, he didn’t explicitly trash CBS, but his smirk did all the work.

Crockett, however, was less subtle.

“The thing about being told you’re replaceable,” she said, “is that sometimes you replace yourself — with something so good they’ll regret underestimating you for the rest of their lives. ”

Somewhere in Los Angeles, a CBS executive just burst into tears while scrolling through her Instagram Stories.

Whether this is the revolution late-night desperately needs or just the messiest rebound in television history, one thing is clear: Colbert and Crockett are about to make a lot of powerful people very uncomfortable.

And if that’s not worth watching, what is? Their yet-untitled show is set to drop its pilot “soon,” which in Hollywood could mean next month or after three more award seasons.

But the buzz is undeniable.

“This is late-night’s Beyoncé-in-the-2003-Super-Bowl moment,” one pop culture blogger wrote.

“CBS is Justin Timberlake, and we all know how that ended. ”

So grab your popcorn.

Late-night TV just got interesting again.

And if CBS thought they were done hearing about Stephen Colbert, they’re about to realize he’s not just still in the game — he’s playing a whole new one, and this time, the scoreboard belongs to him and Jasmine Crockett.

We can’t say for sure if they’ll rewrite late-night television, but they’re definitely about to make it fun again.

And petty.

Oh, so very petty.