“CHRISTIE BRINKLEY REINVENTS MARRIAGE — ‘RENEW OR GET LOST!’”

Christie Brinkley just threw a Molotov cocktail into the already fragile institution of marriage and is standing there in a designer gown watching it burn with a smile.

The 70-year-old supermodel, who has somehow discovered the fountain of youth and refuses to share its location, has announced that she thinks marriages should come with an expiration date—five years, to be exact—before couples decide if they want to re-up the contract.

Yes, she is basically suggesting that holy matrimony should be run like a gym membership.

Pay up, commit for a little while, and decide later if it’s worth the hassle.

And the reaction has been exactly what you’d expect: half the world clutching pearls, the other half Googling “how to file divorce papers in advance. ”

According to Christie, the current “till death do us part” model is outdated, unrealistic, and designed to trap people in relationships long after the romance has been replaced by passive-aggressive texts about the dishwasher.

Her pitch is refreshingly simple: every five years, couples come together, exchange pleasantries, maybe a little wine, and decide whether they still want to keep each other or swap for a newer model.

It’s basically Amazon Prime for relationships, but with more awkward small talk and less free shipping.

“It’s just like a lease,” Christie allegedly told a stunned room of friends at a charity gala.

“When it’s up, you decide if you want to keep the car or try a different one.

And if you keep the same one, congratulations—you must really like driving it. ”

Somewhere, an entire generation of divorce lawyers just popped champagne.

The internet, of course, has split into warring factions faster than you can say “prenup. ”

On one side are the romantics who believe love is eternal and commitment should be absolute, like those people who refuse to upgrade their iPhones no matter how cracked the screen gets.

On the other side are the pragmatists who are nodding furiously, holding back tears, and texting their friends things like, “OMG, she’s a genius, why didn’t I think of this before my second wedding?” Twitter (or X, if you insist on living in Elon’s version of reality) has been a battlefield of memes.

One viral post reads, “Christie Brinkley wants 5-year marriages? Sis, I’m on the 90-day fiancé plan. ”

Another declared, “She’s basically inventing relationship streaming services.

Coming soon: Marriage+ with ad-free commitment. ”

Fake experts have already emerged to weigh in.

Dr. Paul Tiller, a self-described “love strategist” with no actual psychology degree but an impressive Instagram following, told us, “This idea will revolutionize human connection.

Or at least make weddings more like seasonal fashion collections.

Out with last year’s spouse, in with the new. ”

Meanwhile, Reverend Don Willis, who has officiated over 300 weddings and refuses to acknowledge Tinder exists, was horrified.

“Marriage is a sacred covenant before God,” he said while shaking his head.

“Not a Netflix trial you cancel before the billing cycle. ”

When pressed on whether he thought a trial marriage could work, he scoffed and said, “Next thing you know, they’ll be offering coupon codes for weddings. ”

This wouldn’t even be as big of a deal if Christie were just some random Instagram influencer with a ring light and too much free time.

But she’s Christie Brinkley, the woman whose love life has been tabloid fodder for decades.

She’s been married four times—each time a glamorous affair that ended in enough drama to keep People Magazine in business.

So, when she says maybe the marriage system is flawed, it’s hard to argue she doesn’t have experience with the subject matter.

One insider whispered to us, “Christie isn’t bitter—she’s just realistic.

She’s been through every version of marriage: the whirlwind romance, the messy split, the amicable ‘let’s still be friends’ phase.

At this point, she’s basically the Elon Musk of matrimony, constantly iterating the product. ”

Her proposal also comes at a time when marriage rates are plummeting, divorce rates are steady, and younger generations treat commitment like an optional in-app purchase.

It’s not just that people don’t want to be tied down forever; it’s that they’d like the option to upgrade or unsubscribe without paying half their net worth.

Christie’s plan would allow couples to gracefully exit after five years without all the financial carnage, emotional baggage, and 18-month-long legal battles.

And let’s be honest—most of us have relationships that didn’t even survive the pandemic.

If you couldn’t stand someone after three months of lockdown, what makes you think you’re signing up for 40 years?

Naturally, there are people taking this way too far already.

Celebrity gossip site StarStir claims a certain A-list actor is planning to propose to his girlfriend with a “five-year engagement ring,” which is basically a normal ring but with a tiny countdown clock in the diamond.

Rumor also has it that a luxury cruise line is looking into themed “Renew or Release” vow renewal packages, where couples are forced to make their decision during a dramatic sunset dinner while the ship horn blares ominously.

Reality TV producers are drooling at the thought of a new show called “Marriage: Season 2,” where couples who choose to renew are followed for another five years, and those who don’t get sent home in a limo while a sad Adele song plays.

Still, there’s no denying this idea has traction.

Christie’s Instagram post announcing her “Five-Year Love Lease” already has over a million likes and a comment section that looks like a mix between a dating app and a therapy group chat.

One commenter wrote, “Finally, a marriage plan that works for commitment-phobes like me. ”

Another, clearly still bitter from their last relationship, said, “Five years is too long.

Can we do a 24-month lease with a buyout option?” Even some married couples are admitting they’d be open to the concept, though they’re whispering it so their spouses don’t hear.

In the midst of all the chaos, Christie remains unbothered.

She was spotted sipping champagne at a Hamptons garden party wearing a sundress that probably cost more than your car, smiling like she just rewrote the Constitution.

When asked if she thought her idea would become law one day, she reportedly laughed and said, “If it does, I expect royalties.

And maybe a reality show.

” Her publicist, however, was quick to clarify that Christie “fully supports love in all its forms” and that the five-year plan is “just a playful suggestion.

” Which is exactly the kind of statement you release when you’ve accidentally started a cultural revolution but don’t want to get sued.

Will Christie Brinkley’s radical reimagining of marriage actually take off? Probably not in any official legal capacity.

But will it spark endless debates, inspire memes, and convince at least a handful of couples to stage dramatic “renewal” ceremonies every five years just for the Instagram likes? Absolutely.

In the world of celebrity influence, sometimes the idea is more powerful than the implementation.

And in this case, Christie has tapped into a very real sentiment: that love is beautiful, but maybe, just maybe, it works better in smaller doses.

Somewhere in Hollywood, an entire group of commitment-shy actors just breathed a sigh of relief.

Somewhere else, a group of wedding planners just realized they could double their business by selling the same couple a wedding every half-decade.

And somewhere—probably at another Hamptons party—Christie Brinkley is clinking glasses and thinking about her next big idea.

If she’s managed to make people question the very foundation of marriage in a single week, imagine what she could do with parenting, politics, or even the school lunch program.

One thing’s for sure: love may be eternal, but in Christie’s world, the contract is strictly short-term.