The Liberal Avengers Strike Back—Colbert, Maddow, and Joy Reid Are Plotting a Hostile Takeover of Cable News!

America has survived wars, recessions, and an entire decade of low-rise jeans, but the latest cable news meltdown might finally push the nation into full-scale collapse.

According to reports so shocking they make Area 51 look like a family picnic, Rachel Maddow, Stephen Colbert, and Joy Reid have allegedly decided to unite forces in what can only be described as the Avengers of angry TV hosts, and their mission is not world peace, not climate change, not even universal WiFi.

No, their mission is to burn CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC down to the ground with the kind of righteous fury you usually only see when Starbucks runs out of pumpkin spice.

That’s right—cable news just got terrorized by three of its loudest, sassiest personalities, and America is clutching its remote controls in sheer horror.

Let’s set the scene: Rachel Maddow, the cool intellectual aunt who wears blazers sharper than guillotine blades, Stephen Colbert, the sarcastic uncle who thinks he’s the only funny one at Thanksgiving, and Joy Reid, the outspoken cousin who refuses to let anyone get away with saying “both sides” without a fight.

Now picture the three of them sitting in a dimly lit basement somewhere, sipping kombucha and plotting the cable news apocalypse like it’s Ocean’s Eleven but with more shouting.

Word on the street (and by “street,” we mean Twitter, which is basically where all fake revolutions start) is that they’re done with the endless circus of talking heads, the shameless spinning, and the constant interruptions from “BREAKING NEWS” graphics that are usually just about some senator tripping over his shoelaces.

Maddow, Colbert, and Reid have allegedly said enough is enough, and their combined anger is so potent it could probably power the grid of an entire small city.

Fake insiders are already whispering that this alliance is a direct response to what they’re calling the “Cable News Hunger Games,” where CNN, Fox, and MSNBC have been fighting like feral raccoons over scraps of ratings.

According to one unnamed definitely real expert, “Maddow realized that MSNBC was turning into the Olive Garden of political analysis, Colbert finally admitted CBS was basically a graveyard for comedians, and Reid just wanted to stop arguing with guests who think the Earth is flat.

Together, they saw a bigger calling: take down the entire rotten house of cards. ”

Sounds dramatic? Of course.

But this is cable news, darling—where drama is the only currency that matters.

The strategy, if you believe the fever dream circulating in media circles, is pure chaos.

Maddow is allegedly preparing a 48-hour PowerPoint presentation exposing every shady contract ever signed by CNN anchors, complete with color-coded tabs and enough footnotes to put Wikipedia out of business.

Colbert has apparently hired a team of comedy writers to dig through Fox News transcripts and turn every Tucker Carlson monologue into a Broadway-style roast.

Joy Reid, meanwhile, has vowed to go full scorched earth on MSNBC itself, calling the network “a toxic ex who still thinks sending 2 a. m. ‘u up?’ texts is a good idea. ”

And let’s not pretend the networks aren’t panicking.

Fox News reportedly held an emergency meeting in which executives frantically debated whether to counterattack with a Sean Hannity TikTok dance.

CNN allegedly tried to lure Maddow back by offering her a lifetime supply of blazers and an on-air therapy dog.

MSNBC executives, meanwhile, are apparently just standing in a circle chanting, “Maybe if we ignore it, it will go away.

” Spoiler: it won’t.

Of course, the internet is eating this up like free samples at Costco.

Twitter has dubbed the trio “The Cable News Avengers,” though some corners of Reddit are pushing for “The Axis of Overanalysis. ”

TikTok teens are already lip-syncing fake Maddow speeches while dressed as Colbert with a Reid-style fiery clapback at the end.

One viral meme shows CNN’s logo in flames with Maddow holding a fire extinguisher labeled “truth,” Colbert throwing Molotov cocktails labeled “satire,” and Reid standing in the background screaming, “And ANOTHER thing!” Experts—yes, the fake ones again—say this is the most engaged the public has been with cable news since the infamous CNN hologram experiment of 2008.

But what’s the endgame? That’s the million-dollar question, or more accurately, the billion-dollar ratings question.

Some speculate that Maddow, Colbert, and Reid are planning to launch their own Frankenstein monster of a news network, something like “TRUTHBLAST TV: The Channel That Actually Yells Back.

” Others suggest this is less about creating something new and more about torching the old guard so thoroughly that no one dares to resurrect it.

Either way, one thing’s clear: CNN, Fox, and MSNBC are now on the same side of history for the first time ever—the side of “oh dear God, please don’t kill us. ”

And because no tabloid scandal is complete without unnecessary celebrity input, Hollywood has already weighed in.

George Clooney called the alliance “the greatest plot twist since Ocean’s Eleven. ”

Chrissy Teigen tweeted, “I want front-row seats when Maddow eats Don Lemon alive. ”

Even Elon Musk, never one to miss a chance to insert himself into unrelated drama, cryptically posted, “Colbert should host on X instead.

Comedy + freedom.

” Naturally, his tweet was immediately ratioed into oblivion.

Meanwhile, the average American viewer is torn between excitement and confusion.

On one hand, they’re tired of news that feels like a never-ending loop of doomscrolling with commercial breaks.

On the other, they’re not sure they’re ready to hand the keys to three personalities whose combined egos could eclipse the sun.

As one definitely real Philadelphia Eagles fan told us outside a Wawa: “Look, I don’t care who’s reporting the news, as long as I can still watch my football in peace.

But if Maddow starts narrating my highlights, we’re gonna have a problem. ”

And here’s where the twist comes in: sources claim that the alliance may not just be about media domination—it could be a prelude to political theater.

Rumors are swirling that the trio might launch a joint 2028 presidential campaign under the slogan “At Least We’re Funnier Than C-SPAN. ”

Imagine Maddow as president, Colbert as vice president, and Reid as press secretary.

CNN would implode.

Fox would explode.

MSNBC would just… cry.

America, meanwhile, would be forced to hold its collective breath every time Colbert made a joke about the nuclear codes.

But let’s not forget the delicious irony here.

For decades, these networks have thrived on pitting personalities against each other, creating endless panel debates where everyone yells but no one listens.

And now, three of their biggest stars are turning that exact formula against them.

It’s like Frankenstein’s monster turning to his creator and saying, “Cool story, bro, now watch me run for office. ”

This isn’t just poetic justice—it’s karmic nuclear warfare with a laugh track.

So what happens next? If the Maddow-Colbert-Reid alliance holds, we could be witnessing the beginning of the end for cable news as we know it.

Maybe it’ll be replaced with a 24/7 livestream of cats knocking over microphones.

Maybe everyone will finally just cave and let TikTok teens deliver the news in 20-second clips with captions.

Or maybe, just maybe, America will realize that letting billion-dollar corporations feed us rage for profit wasn’t the healthiest national pastime.

Until then, grab your popcorn, hide your remote, and say goodbye to whatever dignity CNN, Fox, and MSNBC had left.

Because the apocalypse isn’t coming—it’s already here, and it’s wearing Maddow’s glasses, Colbert’s smirk, and Reid’s relentless side-eye.